You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
