everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
