no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
