margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just saw a hot homeless man
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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