he wants to bone in the snuggie
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize