just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
