Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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