I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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