grandma shit on top of the toilet
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
