i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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