i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
