Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
