he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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