And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
