My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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