I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
