I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
