Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
