hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
