His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
