I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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