I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize