Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
