I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
