There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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