I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
