i wish my penis had a tongue
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
