you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
