I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize