i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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