Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
