I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
