Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
