At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
