Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
