Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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