Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
