Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How's work?
Spinning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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