foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize