I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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