dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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