How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
