so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
