u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude i'm inner monologue high
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize