Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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