What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
