i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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