my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
