that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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