i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
