she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize