BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
