my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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