terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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