So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
