He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
