DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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