Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
