either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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