You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize