are you so shy because you have an std?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
