i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
