He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
