took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They have beer where we have blood.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize