ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
