You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
