i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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