Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize