I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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