Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
