So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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