I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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