I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
